Father’s Day is this Sunday, June 17, so if you haven’t already hit the internet in search of the perfect gift, you’ll likely be shopping locally or paying dearly for expedited delivery.
When it comes to choosing the right gift, there are a few absolutes. Even if dad still wears a tie to work, giving him a tie is a really, really bad idea. First, he’s probably got enough ties already and few gifts say “I’ve given up after running out of ideas” quite like a new necktie.
The other gift that falls into this category is aftershave or cologne. If dad is one of the few remaining guys who still wear aftershave on a regular basis, chances are he has his own brand that he’s been wearing for years.
For those of you who are going to buy dad a new aftershave anyway, here’s my guide to automotive-themed men’s fragrances, complete with scent descriptions. They are all easily ordered online and found through a simple google search.
Mustang Cologne: You don’t have to have a barn find to smell like one, or so we gather. Not for Camaro fans, Mustang allegedly smells of ginger, patchouli, lemon, tobacco, amber, lavender, balsam and cedar.
Corvette Cologne: Called “woody,” as if it were a good thing to smell like a logging site, Corvette smells like a blend of aromatic woods, which I suppose is better than smelling of burning rubber and fiberglass resin–or the crushed hopes and dreams of cocktail waitresses everywhere.
Cadillac Cologne: Another “woody” fragrance, Cadillac smells of ebony, cloves and incense, followed by grapefruit and chamomile. At the heart of the scent are notes of geranium, tarragon and cinnamon. Call me narrow-minded, but that’s way more complexity than we want to splash on our face.
Jaguar Cologne: In a perfect world, Jaguar cologne would smell like old leather, unspent hydrocarbons and hot castor oil, and maybe the blood of smaller mammals. Instead, it’s a spicy blend of lavender, grapefruit, gardenia, cedar, spruce, leather and fern.
Lamborghini Cologne: “Refreshing and fruity,” oddly like an umbrella drink, Lamborghini Cologne smells of fresh citrus, blended with spice and aromatic woods. What that has to do with Italian supercars, I have absolutely no idea.
Ferrari Black Cologne: Probably the best seller of all the automotive-themed fragrances, Ferrari Black has a sharp note that blends aromatic woods with a mossy undernote–because no one wants to smell like a stable, even if it is Italian.
Maserati Cologne: Called “virile and sportive” by the manufacturer, Maserati smells of leather, vetiver (an Indian grass – we had to look it up as well) and cedar. There’s no truth to the rumor that it’s simple a more distilled version of Ferrari cologne.
HUMMER Cologne: The SUV may be gone, but the fragrance it inspired lives on. Meant for “rugged, masculine” wearers, HUMMER blends cardamom, thyme, tonka bean, leather, amber and sandalwood to create an “invigorating” and “fresh” scent.
Porsche Design Cologne: Dubbed “contemporary” and “chic”, Porsche Design Essence starts with a base of balsam, incense and patchouli before adding pine, pepper and coriander, finishing with juniper and blueberry.
Carrera Cologne: We’ll avoid the cynicism on this fragrance, since members of the High Gear Media staff are known to have bottles of this in their own bathrooms. The manufacturer says it has a spicy smell, mixing aromatic citrus with hints of wood and spice. All we know is that it’s not strong enough to singe our nostril hair, and isn’t all that common.