In a recent Motor Trend article, a car salesperson came up with a list of the biggest customer fibs, and what the real meaning was. We covered several on the air, and many listeners found it amusing, so here is the complete list:
The Top 17 Customer Fibs, And Their Translation.
Lie: “We’re just looking.”
Translation: We went to the credit union this morning and have a draft for a new car in our pocket.
Lie: “This is the first place we’ve been.”
Translation: We’ve already been to five other dealerships and gotten numbers from each.
Lie: “Oh, we’re not doing anything today.”
Translation: The instant we find a car we like at a price we like, we’ll buy it.
Lie: “We’re not doing anything for another six months.”
Translation: See above.
Lie: “We have excellent credit.”
Translation: If you don’t count two repos and a bankruptcy.
Lie: “We can’t afford more than $300 a month.”
Translation: Actually, we’ve budgeted $500 a month for a new car.
Lie: “We don’t have any money to put down.”
Translation: Until it turns out we need it to get approved, then two grand will miraculously appear in our checking account.
Lie: “I don’t like to negotiate.”
Translation: Get ready for the fight of your life.
Lie: “We haven’t decided if we’re trading in our car yet.”
Translation: We’re planning on trading, but that’s what all the books told us to say.
Lie: “Our car has never been in an accident.”
Translation: Our car was cut in half by the 5:30 train out of Baltimore and put back together again with duct tape and J.B. Weld.
Lie: “The dealership down the street is going to give us five million dollars for our trade.”
Translation: The dealership down the street hasn’t even seen our trade.
Lie: “The dealership down the street has the Exact Same Car for five million dollars less.”
Translation: The car down the street is four years older, has twice the mileage, a bad CarFax, no leather, no nav, no sunroof, and a cloth interior with cigarette burns. And it smells like wet dog and dried baby poop.
Lie: “We’re in no hurry.”
Translation: We have to buy a car by Monday because that’s when they take back the rental they gave us after our car was totaled.
Lie: “I need to talk to my wife.”
Translation: I’ve been talking to my wife about a new car for the past six weeks, and this morning before I left the house she said “Honey, do whatever you want.”
Lie: “We’re going to go to lunch to talk about it.”
Translation: We’re going to pull out of the parking lot, turn right, and drive directly into the parking lot of the Toyota dealership next door. While you watch.
Lie: “Oh! I just remembered an important appointment!”
Translation: I have no appointment. I just want to get the hell out of here.
Lie: “We’ll be back.”
Translation: You’ll never see us again.